How did you guys meet?
Cassidy Arrington: We kind of knew of each other on campus. In May, Zaporah was having a b-day party. I asked my friend Kendall if I could come and my friend said that she didn’t know me. So I said “I’m Black what is she gonna do, kick me out?” She didn’t kick me out. From there we met and became friends. Slowly over the course of the summer, over zoom, and through my friend Tobi’s journaling sessions we got closer. And eventually Z told me she was feeling the kid so… (both laugh) No I’m just kidding, but then we started dating.
Zaporah Price: I didn’t kick her out because she was Black, it was because Tobi had started her journaling sessions and I had seen Cass there. I feel like I had more of an understanding of who Cass was during first year. I made it my business to know the Black people in my class and like, I remember for her birthday I cropped her picture from winter formal, posted it on my story, and said Happy Birthday.
CA: Aww you’re so nice.
ZP: I don’t even know if you thanked me, anyway (laughs) we had a lot of mutual friends, but we weren’t talking at the time.
What is your ideal date?
ZP: Well actually we just went on my ideal date. She surprised me with tickets to see Lion King the Musical. It was really sentimental because my mom took us (my siblings) five years ago for my sister’s birthday, so I had seen it. It’s like my favorite musical. My mom and I had always talked about going back and seeing it again and when she surprised me I literally called my mom and told her. My mom said “My husband needs to step up his game.” So I’m definitely an arts person and my ideal date is doing something arts related. We’ve been to a photography exhibit in New york.
CA: And one in Chicago.
ZP: Yeah and one in Chicago. We’re both creative people… She hates that word. We just both love art. I enjoy writing and she enjoys poetry and photography. We just enjoy arts related outings.
CA: I like doing something where we can focus on one task at hand or engage in one matter. I would like to do something where I’m just working with my hands or thinking about something, and then we can talk about it. Just enjoying ourselves. My ultimate ideal date would be road tripping. I love a good road trip. You just spend the entire day with someone, your landscape is changing all the time… She’s making this face because I can’t drive.
ZP: It’s me! It’s me that’s doing the driving. But go ahead…(laughs)
CA: Yeah it’s great. It’s amazing. You can take stops on the road and take pictures.
You guys are pretty artsy, have you made anything together?
CA: She had a class called Writing the Self and the World, and she wrote this long-form essay talking about her own experiences. She asked me to support it. One of the pictures (I took) did make it into the class’s print journal, which was pretty cool. For her presentation to the class she asked me to compile a couple of portraits I’d taken of her over the course of the semester, and it added another layer to the piece. It was really cool to see it come together. I think we’re doing another project like that next semester, but a little more in depth.
ZP: And more intentional. I had this spur of the moment idea thinking “Hey, here’s this person who’s taken a lot of pictures of me” and I thought that would add another layer to the essay. Cass actually got to sit in and she was there while I presented. Hopefully we can do a Creative and Performing Arts grant next semester where we can collab.
CA: I’ve also edited poems of hers. I think more of our collaborative process is just helping edit each other’s stuff. Anything she reads she’ll be like “Hey, babe can you read it before I send it?” and then if I write a poem I’ll read it to her and ask her what she thinks. We’re just over each other’s shoulders giving each other feedback.
ZP: She’s one of my first readers. I mean, she lets me read some of her poetry. That is not my forte and neither is photography, but I appreciate the fact that she thinks so much of me to allow me to see some of her unedited work and let me help out with very tiny revisions.
Pizza or hamburgers?
ZP: Pizza! Chicago style pizza. Not necessarily deep dish just like thick cheese thin crust.
CA: Before I became vegetarian I would have definitely answered hamburger because hamburgers really buss it down sometimes, but I switched over to pizza because I always eat pizza when I’m with Z. She’s a huge pizza person.
What advice would you give to those seeking love?
CA: Don’t put so much stress on romantic love and don’t let that be your metric for defining love. It was through platonic love that I first really understood what healthy love looked like and how to treat myself and how to treat others. I wouldn’t be the partner that I am today romantically if I didn’t learn how to be a good friend first. I think focusing on defining for yourself what’s important to you in life and having those stronger values will help you attract a partner if that’s what you want. I don’t think going out looking for love without a critical foundation of who you are and what you deserve and how you treat others will end well for most people. That’s the path that I’ve taken personally.
ZP: I think love is always present, but it might not be in the form people want. I think you can always work on loving yourself better and that looks like focusing on your wellbeing and finding your passions or figuring out who you are. Love can also be found in familial love and that’s something I would like to do better at. Meeting my family where they are. In terms of romance, there are so many different types of love that are not portrayed in the media. There’s platonic love. So many people would be happier if they focused on the close group of people that they are passionate about. I think that people would understand the hole that they might have is not because somebody needs to fill it, but it means that they might need to look inwards and give love to others.
What does Black Love mean to you?
CA: I recently read “Uses of the Erotic” by Audre Lorde, and at first I wasn’t sure how I felt about it, but as I was reading it I realized it describes the feeling when there’s this itch in me that’s scratched. When you have that eureka moment when you finish a work, maybe it’s a poem—for you, Kadi, it might be a short story for class—and you’re like “Wow, I’m really proud of this experience and this moment here may be my greatest potential.” And the reason you keep writing is ‘cause you want to keep aspiring to have that. Once you experience something like that you want it in every aspect of your life, and it becomes this great standard of living. I feel like Black love is part of that. It’s another standard for the potential a relationship could have, specifically loving another woman. Specifically, Black Lesbian Love. It makes you raise your standard for care, for patience, for everything really.
ZP: It’s changed for me, but I think it’s the most radical kind of self-love and love of others you could have. It’s not something that comes easy. You have to actively show love to yourself and others. I think Black love is so important because we have this history of not feeling love from the world and sometimes by extension internalizing that and not loving ourselves. I’m really grateful for Cass because I feel that our relationship has blown off the lid and opened the bounds of love. Not just romantic love. I love Cass like she’s my best friend ‘cause she is. I love who I am with Cass; I love myself more. I want to be a better person, a better partner and everything. When you have found love, specifically Black Love, I think it comes out through your actions and the way you think about the world.
Kadiatou Keita’ 23
