They ask you to venmo them for everything.
“Hey, can you Venmo me $0.75 for that one tide pod you used? It’s on my mom’s credit card and I have to pay her back.”
They’re going abroad for Spring Break and you’re invited…
To the Bahamas. But only if you can pay. (“It’s okay, don’t worry, just ask your parents!”)
If they carry a designer bag as their backpack.
“It was my sister’s, it’s a hand me down.” Still has the tags on it.
If they love thrifting.
“Hey guys, wanna Uber to Plato’s closet?”
When they say, “Look my dad up.”
You do. And he’s a war criminal. (Sorry, UN ambassador…)
If they don’t explicitly talk about their wealth.
“Yeah, we’re comfortable. But I wouldn’t say we’re rich.” But you’re always invited to their apartment on fifth ave.
“What’s FGLI?”
“What secret society is that?” “Is FAFSA what you need to fill out to get into it?”
They have no sense of urgency to do anything school related because they know they’re GOOD.
I haven’t been to Haas yet, is it nice?
They go to NYC every other weekend —
“We can stay at my apartment and get cocktails at a “5-star restaurant” in the Upper East side.” (You can’t afford it, but theoretically, you’re invited.)
They go out to eat food every time they don’t like the dining hall food
“Ugh, guys, so not feeling the dining hall tonight. Y’all down for South Bay? Or Harvest?”
When they hire movers. Or just tip the student movers…
“We’re helping the local economy.”
When they ask where’s the rest of your stuff?
“Did it get lost in bag check?” (Read: are you poor or something?)
When they apply to fellowships even though they don’t need the money… just for the clout.
“My dad says Mellon would look so good on my grad school application.”
When they’re not on campus ever. Or take a vacation in the middle of the semester.
“My suite is just so cramped.”
When they ACTUALLY shop on Broadway.
Just go to Patagonia.
When they have the “For god, for country, for Yale” Banner hanging above their vodka mantle.
Self-explanatory.
When they expect you to KNOW their high school.
“Andover. It’s in Massachusetts but I’m sure you already knew that.”
When they have a bunch of friends from the high school they went to and only hang out with them.
The prep school to Ivy feeder. Oops. We mean pipeline.
If they row crew.
How else would they get in?
When they don’t know how to do laundry.
“I don’t need to know, I’m on the laundry plan.”
When they’re shallowly nice because they’ve experienced no real hardship relating to poverty.
“Oh you might leave school because you can’t afford it and your life is falling apart? That must suck. BTW I’m also applying to that internship.”
When they ignore houseless people around New Haven.
“Who carries cash anymore?”
