By Anaiis Rios-Kasoga ’25
Editor-In-Chief
You never get angry that he gives half while you give whole. You never miss out. You never skip meals, at least not when he’s looking. You never say no. You laugh at everything he says. Your mouth is permanently frozen in that unassuming yes/no smile. You live on his tongue–palatable and melt. You make yourself so small it’s almost like you don’t exist. He must really love you, you’re such a Cool Girl.
Given a voice by Amy Dunne, given life in the bodies and minds of women. You know one you’ve been one or you desperately, painfully, cripplingly want to be one.
Cool Girl.
A man’s defining compliment.
“Being the Cool Girl means I am a hot, brilliant, funny woman who adores football, poker, dirty jokes, and burping, who plays video games, drinks cheap beer, loves threesomes and anal sex, and jams hot dogs and hamburgers into her mouth like she’s hosting the world’s biggest culinary gang bang while somehow maintaining a size 2, because Cool Girls are above all hot. Hot and understanding. Cool Girls never get angry; they only smile in a chagrined, loving manner and let their men do whatever they want. Go ahead, shit on me, I don’t mind, I’m the Cool Girl.” -Gillian Flynn (Gone Girl)
Cool Girl is characterized by her whiteness; by definition, Cool Girl must be able to hang with the guys and “act” like a guy but she can never by any means be considered masculine herself. She must be innately feminine, and innately attractive, in perfect contrast with her ability to socially navigate and fit into male spaces. This realm of femininity is one that is not accessible to nonwhite women. This is not to say that women of color don’t want to be Cool Girl, they do, she is simply inaccessible. The woman of color—already considered masculine by racist perception—is unable to fully partake in male culture or traditionally masculine practices, lest she risk being ruled out altogether. Cool Girl’s unattainable status only makes her that much more addicting, the awareness of her existence dares women of color to try and reach her anyways.
This is who Cool Girl is, in the words of Flynn and the voice of Dunne, but what kind of world does Cool Girl thrive in? The Adam Sandler story, in which a nice, well-meaning, moderately funny, average-looking, 20-something white guy wins the affection of a supermodel thin, emotionless, sex doll, that walks, talks, and likes exactly what he likes.
Cool Girl forges a home for herself in your body, stretching her limbs out to fit comfortably under your skin. She smiles behind your eyes and tells him he’s deserving with your tongue.
Cool Girl needs a host and is sustained by a series of wants. She wants to be loved, she wants to be easy, and she wants to be wanted. Above all, she is willing to betray herself and you to obtain these goals. Self-betrayal is Cool Girl’s bread and butter.
Cool Girl.
The allure of Cool Girl is in her lack of personhood. Rather than taking the time to figure out what you want, Cool Girl redirects your energy towards becoming someone men might want. It is a simple yet impossible endeavor. Being a Cool Girl, free of want for yourself means never needing to deal with the human emotions that women are dismissed as hysterical and histrionic for daring to express. These emotions don’t just go away, the Cool Girl simply lulls them into perverse contentment. Though it may be soothing for a short time to ignore the self-serving needs building inside, it will eventually boil over, covering both the Cool Girl and her partner in resentment and anger.
Cool Girl has an externalized effect outside of the female bodies she tries to inhabit. She convinces men that there is no such thing as a complex and complete woman, that if this emotional multifaceted woman were to walk into their lives wearing Cool Girl’s face but demanding more she would be too much. That as men they are allowed to expect parts because the whole is…too whole. Cool Girl’s hand is forced by the men she is around. These men desire her, they are taught to. Cool Girl learned how to be so cool somewhere.
Cool Girl is manufactured by the system essentially on a conveyor belt in a cartoonish factory. This is the same system that encourages men to want the Cool Girl and pressures women to be her. The existence of a systemic oppression creating the Cool Girl does not absolve the individual man who expects his girlfriend to be an emotionless sex robot but it does empower him to have such an expectation. Men who are entrenched in this narartive have little to no incentive to look beyond it. There are many lengths that a woman may go to in an attempt to escape this systemic expectation. Nearly all of these will be futile if she herself does not put the entirety of the system in question. If we cannot escape Cool Girl then we must thwart the means of production. This does not necessarily mean that we fully stop the conveyor belt from running. It is not realistically within the power of a singular individual to carry out this tremendous upheaval of a systemic oppression. But in knowing oneself and having confidence in that self, the individual can slow the conveyor belt down.
The antithesis of Cool Girl of course is the crazy girlfriend. With her out-of-control emotions and demands. Her poor boyfriend can never appease all of her ridiculous whims and desires. The same system that pushes women to be Cool Girl wants women to be afraid of the Crazy Girlfriend. It scares them into submission, lying to them that having needs is “crazy.” It is not enough to dangle the idea of being loved and wanted in front of their faces. There must also be a counter-incentive, the constant possibility of being a Crazy Girlfriend that must be avoided at all costs.
Cool Girl.
The Cool Girl does not exist. This is a truism. Really, she is a figment of imagination. Fed to women who deeply desire to feel loved and in that desire feel that they themselves are unworthy of love and unworthy of men who only desire to impress other men. Look how well-behaved my girlfriend is I can treat her like shit she’s so cool. Though the motivations are different the effect is the same. The perpetuation of a specific narrative that creates and supports a pre-existing expectation. That there are specific requirements that must be met before you are able to earn or deserve love.
To kill the Cool Girl is not an external feat. It is much harder than picking up a sword and slaying the dragon. Cool Girl is an almost entirely internalized menace. She says here is how you are supposed to be to which you must say here is how I will never be that. Like Atwood describes in The Robber Bride, “you are a woman with a man inside watching a woman. You are your own voyeur.” This voyeur is named Cool Girl. She is the little man living inside of your body who scolds you for being human.
Kill your inner Cool Girl or she’ll kill you.
